Life - Through the eyes of Sai

Jai Sai Ram 

A garden , that grew out of nowhere , with resources that are insufficient even for a weed to sprout , Sai Rama , your life is a Jyothi , a prema Agni , that merely came out of a spark of Divinity . A spark  is all what it took , as the Gods,  manifested themselves on earth through your body . Watching the story of your life, though the superb videos put together by the Radio Sai team , presented by Blessed Brothers Arvind and Prem , I don't know where to begin , realizing you . Where shall I start looking at you , are my two eyes powered enough to consume the vision you granted ,to cover the gigantic frame of Prema Agni you are . As these two brothers pointed out , more and more as we listen to his stories , they act as pellets of remedy for the soul , that requires so much healing and shaping . We ,as humans don't even realize that we need a healing , at an athmic level  and listening to your stories, are the antibiotics for the soul . I am not suggesting that the athma within is having illness or is impure , as Swami repeatedly emphasized with such noble humility and steeped love, that we are all also Gods, we are also sparks of the same divine aura that he is . It is just that, we don't know these things as sheaths and sheaths of Sanskara and Earthly illusion has clouded our Intellect , giving us delusions and false imagery of the so called  Human Intelligence, and we forgot, to see within , where he is seated from within . Being filled to the brim , by Pure Selfless , Divine Love, I deeply empathize the Uncontrollable , Enormous Pressure you might have been in , Oh Sai Rama . 

How much Self Control , Restraint , Self Discipline , Rules and Laws you were adhering , even as a super dominant portion of you wanted to Love us more and more . For God himself, in his full capacity , to come down to Bhooloka , Earth , live among us trapped souls , what might have been the level of Dharma in you , that might have been present , to prevent you from granting us Instant Moksha , Instant Liberation , Instant Pardon and take us all back into the Athma, the God , the high mountain you often refer . I am so shaken , oh Swami , when you loved us with so much magnitude, yet , the pressure you might have been going through all through your life in that body , trying to not step over the Karmic Timetable we , as your devotees need to endure. Your situation is so similar to how a Head Professor , who knew all the answers to all the questions to a very difficult Exam , stood beside a student , who's hands start sweating after seeing the Question paper . How much urge you might have had to control , to not tell the devotee ( student) the answers, with you standing so close by , yet, ensuring , we go through the Karma, the Deed of experiencing what's meant to be, though you had full power to take it up all on you ? Oh sai rama ,your face illumined with that divine Smile, your hands, playing the divine Veena every time you were signalling something with your fingers, every time you wrote something in the Air, changing the Fate of the devotees, the children in front of you . And after all this, all you ask is , Prema, Love , Love, Love and nothing else , from us . Everytime, one of us, experience a divine Leela of yours, a personalized attention , as much as we are happy and blessed to get that, we can't help but wonder, what if somebody else needed your love, your presence, your attention , only to hear you laugh out of love , signifying how you can distribute yourself with all of us , like sugar dissolves in milk , where you are the Sugar and the humanity is the ocean of milk . How much energy , you had in you , to dish out love after love , pointed at anyone who came in your way , oh Sai Rama ,may we forever stay close to you at heart , mind and soul ,if not that the body . For , ever since you took us in your arms, the moment we feel the slightest distance from you , we start gasping for air like a fish out of water , and we can't bear the pain when this happens . Before your advent into our lives, we hopelessly just swam in a river of life and death , like dead but alive fishes, but the moment you stepped into the whirlpool of samsara ,powered by Maya herself , the moment you stepped and walked further and further deep into these powerful currents only to handpick us up , from that river and drop us into the Ocean of Sai Prema, we can't afford to swim anywhere further away from you , but simply around you till the last moment of awareness of being different from you disappears . Oh Sai Rama, when the day comes, when the moment comes in my life, when I have earned that level of Bhakthi in me, when it's time for me to merge with you , I sincerely plead with you , I should have completely forgotten myself , I should have no awareness of the 'I' in me, as 'I' become 'You' and I never be away from you ever again .

Samasthalokah Sukhino Bhavanthu

Enter Sri Sathya Sai

Jai Sai Ram .

As Destiny would have it, through Swami's blessings, I had a chance to function from the United States of America, in the year of  2019-2020 . The year of 2019 was coming to an end and the desire to spend the New Year's Eve with someone from family in a special way kept lingering in my mind and I planned a trip to one of my elder cousin's place in Florida . This blessed soul had the opportunity to study in Sri Sathya Sai's Institutes and as a result developed sense of Love and Consciousness for Sathya Sai . Whenever she used to come to Mylapore , back when I used to live in my rental home, she would visit Sundaram, the place where swami was blessing the devotees and public alike in all his glory .  I still remember how she would head out early , before I got up , and come back much later in the evening after all the service was done , all the bhajans were over and she was filled with Bliss , having spent time in the presence of Swami . She is insanely Blessed , to have seen Swami , in his physical form, which again I missed. But I have  a deep rooted confidence that one day I will get my turn . I have to earn it. So ,fast forward, I went to her place , a beautiful blessed home , with many portraits and pictures of Swami in his different poses . I could sense his presence throughout  . After all , how difficult is it to detect Love . Swami is all about Love. He was , even in his physical form, an embodiment of Love,  or in his own words, PremaSwaroopulara as he always addressed all of us in his in numerous discourses.   

So, we had made plans to go one day to a Beach there in Florida, after all ,who would miss the beaches of Tampa, Florida and Miami . We were standing in the waters ,all of us , when suddenly I was in pain . I couldn't understand what it was, but it pained instantly, like a needle was inserted in my leg and I somehow could fathom strength in me to identify something blue in color , a water balloon like thing with long dark blue ropes. I retired to the sand, even as the others were playing in the waters. After some time, I felt very uneasy in the lower back and the pain and irritation increased and I was internally deeply worried about my health. Then it struck me. It might have been one of these poisonous Jelly Fishes that float around in these beaches . Sadly, it was indeed a kind of Jelly Fish. It was a Portuguese Man of War . I flew all the way from Southern India ,to Southern USA , Florida to be stung by a Portuguese Man of war. As Swami would have it, I wasn't injured much . I Developed some scars and had to endure some lingering pain , but thankfully not much itching. Much after this episode, when I used to think , why did Swami even punish me this way . Like any devotee would ask the lord , when they face a bad situation. Then , after many many days it dawned upon me. This was Sathya Sai's entrance into my being. Until then ,and even during the Florida trip I was devoted to Shiridi Sai baba , regarded him as my Sadhguru , my all in all , my only Guru . Though Sathya Sai was very much alive , during all my adult years, somehow my ignorant mind never took to recognize the very same Shiridi Sai in Sri Sathya Sai. 

Now, in 2019 , 8 years after Swami left his physical body , he couldn't bear no more, to see how Ignorant I was and when the time was opportune, when I was metaphorically and factually standing in the same waters of my Cousin , who is a Swami  devotee , he stung me and the work had begun.  My florida trip was filled with happy memories, and when the day of me leaving their place came, I requested my cousin and her blessed husband to give me 2 of Swami photos . One , in which , he was directly looking at me and in another, in his Double Hand Abhayahastha Pose, with both hands raised , blessing us all copiously. Even then, I wasn't aware of his oneness with Shiridi Sai and I merely asked her these photos , with the intention of staying in touch with something positive from the place. My ignorant intellect, can't be described in words . I had also attended a Bhajan with my cousin on new year's eve and I began my 2020 with Swami's Bhajans and satsang. 

I came back to Chicago where I was staying and placed these two photos along with other photos which included Shiridi Sai as well. Somehow, over the days, through unique experiences which I don't wish to divulge here in a public forum, I started developing a deep deep craving for Sri Sathya Sai . Indeed, at one point of time, unaware , Swami  resumed his rightful place in my heart , where all this while , he had been guiding me in the form of Shiridi sai. I am so grateful , for Swami's grace, as he took pity on me and reached out to me, when I was aimlessly strolling in this world, making mistakes, accumulating deeds that should not be accrued . His love for me, his focus on me, has cut through generations, births , as he has lifted me from my ignorant sleep , as he gently rains down lovely showers of love and blessing and knowledge on me every single day every single step and every single breath. Sai Rama , may myself forever hold your presence, your divine aura fixedly in my mind , word ,deed and spirit . I also used to think , I wouldn't have progressed into his next avatar of Sri Sathya Sai if not for this leela. The energy was not enough , the environment was not enough and I was getting ignorant by the day . Somehow, he conjured and choreographed a plan to wake me from slumber, drop me in America , taking me over the oceans, all the way from a place that meant everything to me. I am by myself here, in my solitude, now madly in Love and ecstasy , thinking of my Swami . He brought me all the way here , to slap the ignorance out of me and now there is no going back. I am fully his own and he is fully my own. We are there for each other . My Sai Rama. 

Samasthalokah Sukhino Bhavanthu

Mera Sai Prayan

Jai Sai Ram 

I actually don't particularly remember when, how I was inducted to Sai Baba worship , but as Luck and Destiny would have it , Sai Baba mixed into my Life without me noticing him entering . But ever since he has never ever left me . I lived in a simple rented home in Mylapore for a good 20 plus years and as you may or may not be aware, there is a famous Shiridi Sai temple . They provide really tasty prasad there, which is one my fondest memories of the place , apart from the main attraction , Swami himself , seated there in his trademark pose . With a smile , that defeats you the very instant you lock your eyes with him , one can only experience this if they are meant to be. Otherwise, what lies in front of you would be just another Deity's statue . My blessed parents , and my sibling , are all Sai devotees . We may be one family , but we have our own personal connections with Swami for ,we are all not one and the same. The Sai prema binds us even more . I am indebted to my blessed parents , as they had the habit of taking me to temples and this temple/mandir in particular often , when i was a kid. See , what one gets to see and hear often somehow penetrates the internal psyche and that's how, the thought of worshiping Swami somehow won me over. The temple used to be very simple , in contrast to how well and prosperous it has become now and it will become. There were no other big chambers, except Swami's concentrated gaze on his devotee , the revered Dhuni ( sacrifical Fire ) , a Krishna idol , Some hundis and a meditation place . In fact, even as I am trying to recollect now , I have lost the vision of the Old Mandir's Layout. It has changed so much now, as devotees, come and contribute out of their own will and desire for improving the mandir. 

The Mandir grew and grew , with many facilities, lighting and water arrangements, sound systems, decorations, newer chambers , prayer hall , anna daan hall and much more. It is as though, the old devotees kept watering this Love Tree, for the future devotees who will be coming to the mandir seeking comfort in the presence of his Lotus Feet .  For a keen eye , one might notice that people who have taken to sai prema, or the act of worshipping swami Sai ram wholeheartedly bear this peaceful contented look in their face. Their face would not give away any sign of human desire, discontentment with one's lot. Another characteristic feature since old days is the presence of the poor people who sit in front of the temple in lines, with their begging bowl , wearing torn clothes, asking people for food, money , resources. The devotees would sometimes acknowledge by offering some cash, coin or food to them , sometimes they pray to the swami himself for their welfare. The whole temple is a beautiful adaptation of Swami's Shiridi Home , where he enacted all the Leelas in his mortal form . Blessed are those , who got to experience Swami's physical love , for people like me, can only experience his invisible love, enveloping me every second , every step and every breath . I sometimes used to wonder , if I was intelligent enough to recognize Swami , if he walked in front of me, whether the so called human intelligence would permit me to believe his Divine aura . 

But I leave it to him , in the hope, he drags me by the ear and makes me realize he has been looking at me all this while, while I was looking elsewhere , lost in my own thoughts. Then we moved on to a new home in Chromepet , a place near Tambaram ,where by our sheer luck and Blessings of Swami , right behind our home , in the parallel street , there is both a Shiridi Sai Mandir and Sathya Sai Bhajan Hall . What more do I ask, than this persistent Love of Swami , his constant attention on me . Words can only describe as much,  what I feel for him . But I will try , and conjure our my Hridaya Bhava through my god gifted craft of Creative Writing  .

sabka malik ek hai - allah malik